This confused me highly-I've always wanted a career, I'm an outspoken, opinionated and stubborn woman and spent years studying law, debating only recently to start studying psychology and become a qualified psychologist. Both good careers, both worthwhile careers. Yet now I want to stay at home?
My childhood wasn't the best. An absent father, a violent mother-I wasn't taught right from wrong, I had to learn those for myself. I wasn't taught what society expected of me, I had to figure that out too. And as I grew up I realized I wanted to branch out, to make a difference, to help those children who were now in the same situation I had been.
Both S and my friends both love and hate the fact I never sugar-coat and hand out tough love when they seek my thoughts or opinions. They love that I'm so forthright and blunt yet they dislike the fact I say exactly what comes into my mind without any thought of tact.
Often, I dislike being told what to do by S. And when in a D/s or D/D relationship, this can cause problems. Yet, we tried the good old vanilla way of things and within two days I was bored, out of touch, irritable and craving his authority and commands.
So when I realized my vision had changed from a high flying career woman to a sparkling house with a white picket fence, adoring kids and a hot meal served on the table at the end of the day, it's safe to say I was very confused about it all.
Yes, I wish for S to look forward to coming home, to feeling safe, to knowing he has a welcoming partner and a loving and caring home. No, I do not wish to (and wont) be silenced. Yes, I will submit to S's wishes and do as he asks of me. No, I wont blindly follow him and not state my opinion if I think he is wrong or if I think I have a better solution to something.
Does this make me un-submissive? Does it mean I am taking my gender back to when they had no rights or equal say? No, it means I love my partner and that I am willing to take care of him. Why is that frowned upon by society, just because a woman wants to cook or clean or stay home with the kids and look after her partner's needs? Why does society automatically assume a woman who wants that is a doormat? I can assure you I am far from a doormat and if and when I have complaints or hesitations or questions, S hears them all. Loudly.
Not only does he hear about them, he listens to them. Considers them, values them, respects them. Just because he has the final say doesn't mean my thoughts are unheard or unspoken. I care for him in any way I can because I love him, I support him, I trust him. I trust him to lead us in the right direction that will make our relationship better than it was before. Just because I willingly submit, doesn't mean I believe females should have less rights, less pay, no votes, to defer to someone who doesn't deserve their submission.
It takes a strong and trustworthy man to be given the gift of his partner's submission and treat it respectfully and with care. S knows this and knows I give myself fully to him in any way he chooses. He respects and treasures this, as any good man would do.
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