Stereotypical Gender Roles

It's taken a long time for women to be able to proudly claim the same rights as men, and even now some men still dispute the fact that women are able to do, so as they believe their wives should remain stay at home mothers and look after the children and the house.

However in this day and age most of society frown upon this way of thinking and if a woman actually wants this herself then society automatically assumes that there is something wrong in the mind of the woman or that she must be being forced into saying this. The word submissive has instant negative connotations when used in conjunction with a wife remaining submissive and deferring to her husband, even now, and even if the choice is entirely her own.

Because of the negative connotations it has, it is rarely looked at any deeper than this and few people try to really engage and understand in what it means. I aim to dispel some myths, and look at the pros and cons whilst putting my own opinion across in a non biased way.

First though, I'd like to state that the opinions in this article in no way express the term submissive in a BDSM/D/s way, but solely my thoughts on a wife being submissive to her husband, without any other aspects of D/s involved. This is also MY personal thoughts and opinions and in no way speaks for the rest of, or any, of my gender. Just little ol' me.

With that being said:

I believe that a wife -should- defer to her husband and remain submissive to him. But let's get one thing straight immediately. I said she should defer to him and remain submissive, I did NOT say she should be a blind puppet who follows him unquestioningly.

Well then, if you question him how is that submissive? you might ask. Let me explain by giving you two scenarios:

Scenario one: Husband and wife can not come to an agreement on an important matter. Husband follows his own judgement without discussing it with his wife and makes his own decision and she doesn't get a say in the matter.

Scenario two: Husband and wife can not come to an agreement on an important matter. They discuss it and she respectfully places across her point of view, reasoning and thoughts. He weighs her opinion and counsel carefully before making the final decision for both of them, which she accepts because she knows the decision he is making is in both of their best interests even if she may not agree with or even like it.

The first scenario is not her being submissive, but merely a man on a power trip. The second scenario is him realising and acknowledging they both have equal say in their relationship and heeding her words even if his final decision is not the one she wanted. Her submission comes by accepting this, by giving him the power to make that final decision and by trusting him to lead them both correctly; which is a responsibility that he takes seriously.

As for stereotypical roles such as looking after the children and the house, it is my opinion that a child should be raised equally by both mother and father, as children need both parents present in their life in order to grow and be taught and raised properly.

Looking after the house, I believe that should fall to the woman. Not because "that's where women belong" or because "men are no good at it" but because it is another way of showing that she remains submissive to him. Let's face it, most males don't like chores and I view this, as another way to show that you're taking care of him and that you want to look after him.

However: This isn't me saying if you have a husband that doesn't love and appreciate you, who does nothing all day, is rude and arrogant etc, that you should do this just because it is expected of you. That's not remaining submissive, that's servitude. BUT if you have a good man, one who takes care of you, who appreciates you, who loves you...well, why wouldn't you want to take care of him this way, and to make his days a little easier if it's within your capabilities?

Remaining submissive and deferring to your husband/partner isn't because you're weak in any way, but because you know that it's practically impossible for a relationship to survive and thrive when both of you are trying to claim that power of who is right, who gets the last word, who makes the final decision...we've all done it, we're all guilty...and did it really make your relationship any better? Or did it drive you apart?

A relationship can't have two rulers. It has to have give and take. And what happens when both of you simply want to constantly take? It eventually separates you because of anger, harsh words, misunderstandings. One person has to eventually give a little more than take, even if it's just that extra one percent more.

Give and take. I choose to give my submission.